Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
