Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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