is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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