i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
