I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sorry my hands just texted you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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