I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
