I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
