i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
