check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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