i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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