Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
