Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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