The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize