She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize