He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
