i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
