every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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