I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
