Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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