saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
