Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
