real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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