Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
