Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
