woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
