I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
