we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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