We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
