My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You peed on a flamingo?!?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
