A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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