After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
