What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i've created a new STD.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
