In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
