Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
