My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
