i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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