I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
