I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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