So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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