i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
