Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
