I wish I only lived at night.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
