Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
