hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
