I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
