i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
