she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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