I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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