No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
