Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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