I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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