I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
