We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
