Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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