So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
