fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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