Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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