The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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