i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
