dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
