new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just threw up on my dentist
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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