More tranny stories later!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
