I should be sponsored by Trojan
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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