Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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