You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
