i just google imaged poop.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
