her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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