I am in a vortex of obligation.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
