Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
