This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize