I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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