glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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