I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You took a bar mat shot.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
