Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize