Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
