In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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