OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
