would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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