I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
