Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
